I am white
I am straight
I am male
I am a good person
I am proud of this fact. Whilst inherently flawed like every other human being, I sincerely try to live an honest life centred around kindness to all people.
I am white
I am straight
I am male
I am ashamed
I am ashamed of the sexual abuse, harassment and predatory situations that still all too often exist for women at the hands of men.
It’s not good enough
As our societies progress and the pendulum of social change is swung upon its continual ark of imbalance, we congratulate ourselves on the forward direction of growing equality for women. Whilst we may take assurance in some of the steps being taken (debatably all too little, too slow and painfully) the honest truth around sexual harassment of women and the clunky ways in which we stubbornly avoid the deeper truths of this are still not evolving in the way we need. A quick google search is enough to immediately reveal some highly disturbing statistics around the abuse and harassment of women in any area. Some of these numbers indicate that particular types of sexual crimes against women haven’t declined since 1938. Many others also still remain consistently high or in some areas reports have even risen. Over 100 years of embarrassingly high numbers for abuse of women and it still continues. To perhaps state the obvious, we should not be celebrating progress until these disturbing numbers are wiped clear.
It’s not good enough
On a personal level, I know of far too many women in my life who have been, and continue to suffer abuse and harassment at the hands of men. It is saddening how commonplace conversations around this topic have become for me. These are close whanau members, beloved friends, daughters, wives, mothers, sisters and quite simply put, beautiful human beings who each deserve happiness but more than anything, the most basic of human rights that has been denied to them…safety. I know I am very limited in what I am privy to. The stories I learn only come from those who feel safe enough to share their journey with me and understandably I could often be far down the line of one who might be trusted with such personal, traumatic information. If my limited exposure to these experiences is any indicator I cannot help but ponder how many others exist outside of what we know and hear about tucked away in blankets of guilt, grief and trauma? It is quite clearly, too many. The sad truth is that we are all not doing enough to incite the social change needed to make our women safe.
It’s not good enough
I’d like to use a recent music experience as an example. I ventured out to watch a friend play in a bar setting. I walked in to a scene that is so familiar that I sadly use the term ‘classic’ to front it. She is a highly gifted, magnetic artist who is working incredibly hard for a successful career in an industry she is passionate about. Near where she is playing is a table of intoxicated men. They are up in her personal space, behaving demandingly, lecherously and she is quite clearly highly uncomfortable and her polite, professional attempts to diffuse the situation in order to continue on with her craft are sailing silently past blissfully drunk, entitled ears.
Two things struck me here. Firstly, this doesn’t happen to male performers. Yes of course we have to manage all things associated with excited audience members elevated in the moment and boosted on the shoulders of alcohol feuled confidence. Sometimes this can be challenging but never does it cross into a space where we are unsafe. We are not objectified and boundaries are respected.
Secondly, I register a full venue of different sexes, races and dynamics with a tangible feel amongst the faces, and uncomfortable reactions that most people are noting this scene play out on at least some kind of level. No one however, is acting against it.
I happened to have a guitar with me and could see that I had the means to diffuse this greasy, unnecessary scene. I grabbed my instrument, joined my friend and the desired effect happened within minutes. By the simple fact of a male sitting alongside this artist, an unsaid energy changed and the men moved back into their own drunken conversations then left the venue five minutes later. It felt incredibly powerful. I tell you this from no ego driven perspective. My friend was safe and that is all the nourishment I need. No, more to the point is to relay the peaceful means by which this situation came promptly to an end. I am a passive person. I avoid confrontation like the plague and so I empathise with the fact that many people will not feel comfortable approaching a scenario like this. But here’s the thing…I was able to bring this to a close by playing music. It didn’t require any difficult confrontation, it was safe and within my means. That is what struck me. Any one of the seventy people in that venue held the same power to act in a way completely of their own. Sure, not everyone plays an instrument but some people do hold the ability to calmly manage a situation like this through korero and surely anyone could have had a safe, discreet word to a staff member or manager to bring this to a close. So why hadn’t this taken place?
I personally think there’s two issues here. First is that the problem feels too big and daunting for most people to confront. I completely empathise but on this particular evening the quick diffusion of a gross scenario taught me clearly that the ability to stop it comes in many forms and we all have our own. We simply need to stop, notice and act. It is powerful. WE are powerful. Therefore our passive acceptance of these situations is not excusable.
It’s not good enough
Another thought is that perhaps these occurences are now just all too normal for us and with that comes an unspoken expectation that this is part of what a female performer must learn to navigate.
It is no secret that within the music world (like just about any other) women have been preyed upon, exploited, manipulated and abused by men posturing to use their roles as predatory weight to wield over artists seeking mentorship from experienced industry gate keepers. Forging pathways in a male dominated world, these artists have all too often been dissuaded from raising voices against perpetrators of predatory sexual behaviour with risk to careers they are highly passionate about brandished as dirty currency for protective silence. In more recent history there has been the release of some high profile cases that have publicly seen the dismissal of a small portion of repeat abusers from powerful roles. This alongside the strength of a sector of well know female artists beginning to find support for their public voices against their abuse has certainly demonstrated positive signs for the beginning of change and I tautoko this in every way. I personally feel however that despite this, we continue to sidestep around the core issues leaving women continually wary of threatening behaviour and repeatedly fending off the dangers of predatory men. We see this with programs like safe spaces agreements beginning to take hold. Within these initiatives there has been implementation in various industries of options for females to gain access to safe spaces such as accomodation whilst working away from home. It is sincerely wonderful to see these forward steps being taken and I applaud wholeheartedly all of those working to make this happen. But the question here must surely be why are industries and daily life still not safe in the first instance and why are we not addressing this first and foremost? There are still men in positions of power who continue to use these roles as a hunting ground for their own twisted wishes and our efforts should be focussed on finding them, shaming then simply removing them to create a safe, fair environment for all rather than the need for the extraction of women to secure their safety.
It’s not good enough
Why is this still not happening? I would debate that it’s much the same case as the all too common bar scene that played out in front of me. Calling out the problem could potentially bring undesirable conflict and in some professional cases threats to careers. Adhering to this is the confronting likelihood that these occurences have simply become so commonplace that we have subconsciously learned to accept them as some semblance of normal behaviour for women to manage in their lives. Recently I picked up my instrument and played some music alongside a friend. From this I learned that our fears are unqualified and I believe we have the power to begin instilling necessary changes in the smallest of ways. That is my intention behind this blog.
I am white
I am straight
I am male
I am powerful
My power lies not in some cliche view of muscles or physical strength but in the power to notice, to choose and to change. My power, OUR power exists in the ability to bring any lecherous, predatory behaviour to a stop. In doing so we can surely start to adjust the existing perceived normality of these scenarios thus bringing an end to the current era of passive acceptance of female harassment at every level. I love women. I feel sexual attraction, lust and love for the sensual beauty and power I see around me but never will this qualify any form of disrespectful behaviour that makes another human feel unsafe in absolutely any way whatsoever. I emphasise also that this is irrelevant of circumstance. Alcohol, drugs, dress or social standing. At NO point is there any justifiable cause for unsafe behaviour, sexual manipulation or denial of any choice at all. Every human being…EVERY human being deserves safety. Always. Surely we can collectively make this happen.
It’s not good enough
With any blog that I have written there is always deliberation and multiple reviews before publishing to our page. I can guarantee that as you read this I will have fought numerous times, most likely over days before posting this article. That is because this particular piece of writing terrifies me. For the first time I am choosing not to write anonymously so I am accountable, open for korero and putting away the pacifist to truly stand as an example with strength for what I believe in. I am typically afraid of conflict and as such I am afraid of friends or band followers reading and judging, people I know disagreeing or perhaps viewing this as weakness or some poor attempt at being woke. I feel afraid of music industry people somehow stumbling across my writing and growth in my own career being held back for it and I even carry fear of offence to female friends who have suffered abuse. I cannot empathise and thus feel totally unqualified to write these words or share any kind of opinion.
But I do have words and I most certainly have an opinion here. A highly passionate one. I believe not only do we need to make changes but also that the power to do so exists within us all right now. As such, I will eventually hit the post button and I will stand by this wholeheartedly. I believe this is the most sincere display of supportive strength I can show and I encourage…no…I implore everyone to find and stand in your own form of power for a safe world for all humans. Share this post, write your own, talk, learn, watch, listen and act. You know yourself and what you can peacefully do to clear our places of unsafe behaviours. Whatever your gender, race, sexuality and whomever, whatever you identify as, I tautoko you, I stand alongside you in solidarity and I love you for your courageous support of our wahine.
My name is Nathan Boston. I am the guitarist for White Chapel Jak. I am white, I am straight, I am male and this is my call to arms. We shall not wield firearms, our artillery will be bold korero and the frontline peaceful and loving but if we bravely work together the resulting effects could be explosive enough to send heavy shockwaves of change through all industries and places. Let’s march forwards collectively to change perceptions, behaviours and attitudes to create a safe world for every single one of our beautiful women.
Maybe this will be just good enough